Breakin' the Mayonnaise Habit
by Scribble-Dead
Summary: As the Shinsengumi plans to curb Hijikita's addiction to mayonnaise, he then tries out something without mayonnaise for the first time in his life. Rated T for language. ONE-SHOT complete!


**This is my first time writing a Gintama fanfic. So pardon me if I make any mistakes. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Who says I own **_**Gintama? **_**Only Hideaki Sorachi-sensei does. The green tea-flavored McCloudy and the following items stated by the cashier at McDoodles' are originally owned by McDonalds' (I only change the names so that I won't be sued by McDonalds', so shut up and read.) **

* * *

"This is an emergency!"

Members of the Shinsengumi gathered for an urgent meeting by Kondo, who was fuming with anger as he held onto his purse (Which was blue and gold in color with a photo of Otae on it), bursting into tears.

"What's wrong, Commander?" asked one of the members, still unclear on what was the meeting all about.

"Fuck that Hijikata…WE MUST ALL STAND UP FOR HIS UNRULY BEHAVIOUR!"

No one, except Sougo sitting in front of his gave the Commander a round of applause, while the other members were stunned by his unusual behavior. "Bravo, Commander. Bravo." Cheered the brunette, but in a boring tone, smiling away.

"AND ALL BECAUSE OF HIS MAYONNAISE ADDICTION, WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF FUNDS LATELY! Look at this! I found this receipt in his room a few days back, and observe what he buys." He started to grit his teeth together, moving to and fro as his passed on the piece of paper to everyone in the hall.

Everyone, including Sougo was staring into blank space as the last person in the hall folded the receipt into fours.

"…150 bottles of mayonnaise…our Vice-Commander…"

"…never have I expect him to buy this much bottles of mayonnaise…his is a true demon after all…"

"…and look at the price! Which brand of mayonnaise did he buy; all of them cost more than our monthly income! Is he rich or what…"

"And that is why we have to take action; otherwise all of us will die and starve while he consumes the deadly poison of mayonnaise. And in this meeting we will plan something that will stop Hijikata from swallowing that sticky gelatinized stuff he has been consuming over his entire life…"

"Yawn! Had some quick breakfast at McDoodles' and apparently this nice young lady working over there hand over his flyer. I must be so dashing that she gave this piece of wonderful paper to a guy like me…" murmured Yamazaki, who had just walked into the hall like nothing was happening. "Hey, Commander, wanna try out the latest stuff at McDoodles', maybe we should tag Hijikata along too, since this dessert looks so much like mayonnaise." Showing him the contents of the flyer to Kondo, a picture of a bowl of lime-yellow ice-cream settled into the paper, and on the side the words were big even for anyone else.

"Green Tea-Flavor McCloudy? Never heard of it." Shook Kondo, and passed on the paper to Sougo.

"That's why it's new. Should try them out soon. Never mind, I'm inviting…"

"Eh-hem, in case you are a blind folk, we're in the middle of the meeting. And Hijikata's not here, that is why there's the urgent meeting when he's not here." Warned Kondo, whose face was red and his ears were about to release white smoke soon.

"Wait a minute, Kondo-san." Stopped Sougo, showing the flyer to the rest of the members of the Shinsengumi. "Yamazaki DID says this dessert here looks almost like mayonnaise." Rubbing his hands together as he grinned evilly, he continued. "And I have just the plan to curb his mayonnaise addiction…"

* * *

Meanwhile, Hijikata was on his way back to the Shinsengumi's HQ after conducting some errands on his way here. With his typical lit cigarette on his mouth and licking on a sushi with mayonnaise all over the food, he expected his day to be a usual one.

"Damn that Sougo, set the alarm clock an hour later and when I get back I'll beat him to a pulp." Grumbled the mayonnaise lover, finishing on his last sushi. While on his way, his phone rang and speaking of the devil, it was Sougo who called.

"What do you want, kill me off so that you'll be Vice-Commander? Not a chance. I will come over and kill you right away for setting an hour later in my alarm clock-"

"Kondo wants me to call you to do him an errand. Go to the nearest McDoodles' branch and buy 25 sets of Shark-o-fin burger, 10 packets of large fries, 30 sets of squid burger without tartar sauce, 100 medium-sized of drinks of whatever choice, 42 packets of prawn nuggets…"

"Woah woah slow down! I'm not a bazooka, and I don't write in superhuman speed. So, are there anymore orders or else I'm going to shut myself down and you'll starve and die?" asked Hijikata, annoyed at the number of errands he have to do. "Or you commit _seppuku _this instant."

"There's one more order. Buy a bowl of green-tea flavored McCloudy for yourself. Later." And the conversation between the two rivals ended. Hijikata looked at the list once more before he threw the cigarette bud on the floor and squashed it.

"McDoodles'...McDoodles'…there has to be one here somewhere…" thought the Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi, and in no time he was outside the fast food stall with a long line of people queuing up for their turns to come.

"Such long queues? Die that Okita Sougo, once I go back I will definitely force him to commit _seppuku_ and squash him like a bug. I'll even make sure he loses his job and he suffers from a coma." Complained Hijikata under his breathe, as he joins in the queue. After 20 minutes of waiting, his turn to order the meals came until he heard some familiar voices standing beside him as he ordered.

"…NOT FAIR! You two always get what you want! Let's have this green-tea flavor McCloudy for once, pretty pleassseee??" whined the girl whose clothing and hairstyle reminisce of Chinese culture. She was pulling the back of their shirt of two guys; one with naturally perm hair with his wooden sword attached to his waist, and the other with glasses, probably the only normal-looking person out of the three…

"It's decided that we shall have chocolate ice-cream, and chocolate ice-cream we shall have!" yelled the guy with natural perm hair, whose name was later to be revealed as Gintoki. "Damn I can only take sweet stuff once per week or else I suffer from diabetes and die, with no one digging my corpse into my grave."

Kagura and Shinpachi stopped to see Hijikita standing right beside them and put on a sinister grin at the man.

"Hmm hmm, Hijikita's buying cheap stuff from McDoodles' and even better, with no mayonnaise. So did you bring a bottle of mayonnaise with you?" asked Kagura jokingly. As she said it spot-on, he discovered that he didn't bring his bottle of his flavored mayonnaise with him, for the first time in his **entire life**.

"NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!"

* * *

"Once I get my hands on that fuckin' Sougo, he'll suffer the fate of getting his hands dirty." Muttered Hijikita, holding on to the plastic bowl of green-tea flavored McCloudy while the rest of the meals he ordered will be delivered to the Shinsengumi's Headquarters in 15 minutes.

He starts sniffing and observing the color of the dessert with curiosity. "This looks so much like mayonnaise, if the green stuff are bits of seaweed…" he thought. As it was a sunny day, he took off his jacket after that and saw that the ice-cream has started to melt.

"Hmm…it won't be nice by the time it reaches HQ. Hope the others won't worry if I get my hands on this mayonnaise-like dessert…" Taking out a spoon in the plastic bag, he reluctantly scoop up the ice-cream and without mayonnaise for the first time with him, he picked up enough courage as he placed the yellowish-green stuff into his mouth.

His eyes gleamed with happiness; he imagined himself bearing angel wings and a halo above his head, him floated into the sky and spelt out 'McCloudy' with his bakooza.

"_I'm in Cloud 9!!" _He exclaimed, and by the time he arrived at the Headquarters, from afar Kondo and Sougo were observing the mayonnaise lover taking second and subsequent servings of the green-tea flavored dessert.

"Looks like your plan works, deadly that Hijikita has a change of heart that easily." Praised Kondo, who hi-fived the brunette.

_**End of One-Shot**_

* * *

That was one one-shot. Started to have curbs of watching both the anime and manga (The anime has so few subs, while the manga gives me all the answers to my question but there are some chapters not translated yet. I don't read Japanese) I hope this fic will have lots of people reading it and not post it for fun. I'm quite serious about it. If the response is good, I might want to continue this fic with 3 or 4 chapters more. And if I'm inaccurate with anything written in this fic, do PM me.


End file.
